Ascending
by Evil Neko
Summary: Spike's thoughts during his last moments of life. *SPOILERS*


I've won. After all these long, painful years, I finally beat Vicious. But still, the thought doesn't ring clear and sweet like victory. I know what victory and defeat means, but somehow, this feels like neither. I didn't even think I would win... but maybe, that's because I didn't.   
  
In one day, I lost everything. Julia... the only reason I lived this long was to find Julia. And I finally did... and now I never will again. I could never go back to the Bebop. I doubt I'm welcome there any more... and even if I am, I don't want to go back. I mean... what would I be going back to? Not a family... not a home... maybe not even friends. Nothing. I fear there is nothing left in the world for me...   
  
I could go back to the syndicate, but why? That world isn't mine, it never was. I might tell myself to bare my teeth and growl back, fight back, but it doesn't seem worth it... not when I have nothing to fight for...   
  
This dream I live in... its slipping. It's been for a while now, but its finally come crashing down, just like poorly made ceramic vase, shattering loudly and sending shards everywhere... I hate it when that happens... its hard to clean up.   
  
It's... too hard to clean up this shattered dream. When the vase breaks, it also kills the plant that was in it. Even if it fell by accident, nothing can put it back together, or bring the plant back to life.   
  
Nothing could bring me back to life now.   
  
Suddenly the outside world becomes clear again, the pain returning instantly. I can feel the blood slowly pulsing out of my many wounds, slowly draining from my body, as if unwilling to face the world. It splatters like raindrops and begins to form tiny puddles as each drop makes another ripple of red along the concrete stairs, which seem uncountable and numerous in my blurry vision. I look up, squinting, neither able nor wanting to see what lies ahead of me now. My head begins to spin as I attempt to walk again. But how can one simply walk away from a dream that spanned a lifetime? How?   
  
Looking downwards, I can faintly see a messy array of the remaining members of the syndicate. Some dead, others dying, others even without a scratch, ready to kill the pest that's infected this place like a disease: me. They stand there, with a cold, unwavering stare, almost as if unable to look away. They could dispose of me easily now... even easier than trash, but perhaps that's really all I'm considered now. Why won't the shoot? Why won't they just get it over with?   
  
Time stood still. Not even the wind blew outside, through the destroyed ceiling and windows.   
At that moment, the dream was over.   
I finally woke up... but now, there is no place for me.   
  
I suppose my life had ended before it had ever begun... but perhaps that was best for me. For everyone else even.   
  
Through the pain, I gripped onto the living world for a bit, wanting to see it for maybe the first time. Without looking ahead at my audience, I grinned a silent, haunting smile. Conjuring my last breath through my aching lungs, I pointed my first, and last gun: my now bloodstained index finger and thumb.   
  
"Bang."   
  
The final word leaves my lips and seems to echo throughout the room for an eternity. Though I'm not sure why, I try to hold on to it, like a sad parting between old friends... perhaps the only thing I had left to hold on to.   
  
My legs give up on me and I can do nothing more than to collapse into a bloody heap. As I leave my broken body at center of those stairs, I regret my dream, curse it, and wish I never fell asleep in the first place. And yet...   
  
I'm certain I wouldn't have done it any other way.  
  
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A/N: I didn't write this. My friend, who doesn't have an FF.net account, wrote it and asked me to upload it for her. I don't take credit!  
Oh, yeah, neither of us own Cowboy Bebop or any of the names/places in here. They belong to... Bandai? I think... I'm not sure, but we don't own them.  
The title, Ascending, comes from the song "Blue," which plays during the ending of the series. It's the last word they say. 


End file.
